New Blogging Adventure

I used to blog about fitness nearly every day for a good portion of the year in 2010. Then we moved to a new house, I couldn't afford a gym membership anymore, and started having some knee issues. I quit everything overnight. I quit the gym, even though I vowed I'd workout at home. I didn't workout at home, and I quit running because of my knees. Suddenly a setback turned into a lifestyle change for the worse. I got depressed, I eat when I'm depressed. I am an emotional eater and I love food. So, from August to January, I packed on about 14 pounds.

In February of 2011, I decided I would try a fast weight loss method (hcg diet). I tried this diet once before and was successful in pulling off 30 pounds, and only had gained back 10. I say "only" right like it's really no big deal. The problem is, it WAS a big deal….only in my mind I had still justified it as a loss in the end. The problem with crash diets, even hcg is that unless it is something that you can completely make a "lifestyle change," you will always gain the weight back. The hcg diet may work for some, but of the some that I've followed for years, here's what happens: they lost astronomical amounts of weight adhering to a 500 calorie a day diet in conjunction with either injections or oral sublingual drops. Once you are off of the initial phase of hcg, you go to a low low carb phase, this is supposed to be what "resets" your metabolism so to speak. Then after the low low carb phase, you are supposed to be able to resume a fairly normal healthy diet. However, the people I am familiar with, can't do this. They forever must not eat carbs or they gain their weight back, and they aren't able to keep 15 ish pounds from reappearing. Then, they go on a round of hcg, it comes off, they get off of hcg and it comes back and they go on and off and on and off and on and off.

Let me just tell you how hard a 500 calorie a day diet is….it sucks…..it really really does when you are a food addict. It is a desperate measure, and it works to shed weight quickly, but the health ramifications of doing that are truly unknown especially for those that yo yo with this plan. My point? I did hcg again, in February, and lost 14 pounds in 20 days. AND THEN……I gained it back plus an additional 10. From February to September I gained 23 pounds, 9 of which were new pounds, 14 of which were rebound pounds. Ultimately, here's the problem…..you ready???? No matter what diet, if you do NOT change your mindset about why you eat what you eat, you will ALWAYS fail. My mind hadn't changed, my heart hadn't changed. I wanted to undo bad what choices and a hormone imbalance had done to me, and I wanted to do it overnight……though I didn't gain it overnight.

When you are overweight, fat, obese, or whatever term best describes you, you find yourself feeling hopeless. It doesn't matter if you have 20 pounds or 200 pounds to lose. The things that go on inside your mind are the same things, our bodies just look different. I didn't wake up fat overnight, it's a series of events that set me on the path to self-destruction. Some people use drugs, some use sex addiction, some use alcohol, some are anorexic or bulimic, or exercise addicts beyond healthy realms. The point is, something has happened inside our minds that has allowed us to stick to destructive patterns.

So, here we are two years later, and stuck in the same rut. What is my plan? Well, A: diets don't work. It has to be a change of mind, heart, will, and lifestyle. I have to change my mind about what I want, face my fears….because let's face it, if we weren't afraid of losing the weight we'd of done it already. Truly, I honestly believe that somehow, as odd as it may sound to some of you, we are afraid. Afraid of the wrong kind of attention, afraid that people will notice us (heaven forbid they notice us because we are vibrant and healthy when we are used to the opposite), afraid we WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT WHAT WE LOVE. WHAAAAT?! I honestly feel that we are afraid of losing food, which means our relationship with food isn't what it's supposed to be. We will always have to eat, and there is some fabulous food out there, and you know what?! We don't have to stop eating, and it doesn't mean we never get to have the things we love…..we just need to learn to have a healthy relationship with things we love.

Food has become and obsession for our culture, and it's no wonder we're fat. Not only are we faced with mouth-watering ads of food that packs in 1500-2000 calories per meal, but we aren't seeing mouth-watering ads for food that is actually good for us! Who sees a commercial for fat-free cheese and thinks "ooh yummy," or an ad for a Smashburger combo with guacamole, bacon, and 1/4 pound of beef with a side of onion straws and dipping sauce? Who looks at the grilled chicken and thinks that will taste better than the juicy burger? Well, maybe someone, but for those who are addicts to food, those ads are like someone waiving a bottle of beer under an alcoholics nose. BUT, people can survive without alcohol, we will forever have to eat to survive, so our solution isn't "do without" it's "change your thinking." Our relationship with the food we eat has to change, how? Well, that's what I'm here to figure out.

Will this be a perfect journey? No way. Will my problems be solved tomorrow morning? Absolutely no way. Will they be solved next year? Probably not. This may be a struggle that has to have effort to keep it under control….for the rest of my life. Does this mean I never will taste my favorite foods? No, it means I need to learn that my favorite foods don't call me from the menu every time I visit a restaurant, but are allowed to call me on my birthday or special occasion. In the mean time? I'm starting using the Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno. It's not a diet, it's delicious wonderful food packed with nutrients designed to keep you healthy. There are wonderful meals and desserts and snacks in all of her books. Desserts that taste like dessert but don't pack the punch.

If you are interested in testimonials, visit www.eatcleandiet.com….and see some amazing transformations. Keep tuned in here for more info on the plan……..for those that want to join me in challenging your mind to be healthy…..follow me, post comments, I'd love to hear your advice, successes, etc.

For now, I'm really not feeling up to sharing before photos. Those of you who know me, know what I look like. I will say that I wear a size 16. I feel really horrible about my body, my self-image is very poor, and my self-worth is low. I find value in being a Mom of two wonderful young children, I find value in that, but am not the greatest at valuing me. I love to help others, I love to serve others, I am very good at caring for everyone else. For some reason, I've never developed the compassion for myself that I have for other people. I know it's very important to find that, and that's what this journey is about. I don't want to be the "fat" girl anymore. I want to be a healthy vibrant 30 something with a full life ahead, one who loves herself as much as she does everyone else.

Until next time………